i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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