he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
BRING THE BAGELS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
