I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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