I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
