just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
