My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
