I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
