That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
