Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A bitchslap is in order.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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