We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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