Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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