so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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