Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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