I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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