she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
