We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
