what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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