All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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