first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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