Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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