My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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