Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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