Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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