in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
