I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
