thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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