would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
