He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
