hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
