a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
