Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
