Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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