Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
