Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
