I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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