Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
