I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
