I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
