I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
