is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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