I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
