Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
