I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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