so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
