I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
