i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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