You smell like stripper and shame
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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