I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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