I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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