just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
