Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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