I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
