Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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