what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
